The Incompetent Fanfiction Writer
by Jason
Summary: Um... a self-insertion parody fic; my first attempt at one...


The Incompetent Fanfiction Writer by: Jason "Let's see. How should I start this off?" Jason mused. "I've got to think of a good beginning."

"Uh… shouldn't you start it with a 'My name is…?'" Jake suggested tentatively. "That's what K.A. always does."

The author glared at the character. Jake disappeared with a puff of smoke. "There. Now there's nobody to pester me. Now what will I do for a beginning?" Jason said. "I know! I'll save the beginning for later. Now I need a title. A title. Let me see…"

"The title is supposed to start with a 'The', isn't it?" Marco asked. "All the real Animorph books do that."

Jason turned his head to look at Marco. His head turned into a big, red, eye. Suddenly, the Crayak stormed onto the scene.

"Hey! That's MY big red eye! It's MY eye from MY stories and I want it back!" he complained.

"Forget it," Jason told him. "I'm the author, and I say that I want this big red eye."

"But…" 

"No buts about it! Now go to your room!"

Crayak whimpered and wandered off to his room. He sat there sulkily, pouting.

Jason turned his attention back to Marco. "I don't WANT to start with a 'The!' I don't HAVE to start with a 'The'! These aren't the real books! I don't want to have a boring 'The ___' Title, and I'm the author and I can do whatever I want! I am the ultimate power and I can do anything! I can even say supercali—oh, you know which one it is."

Jason turned his stolen eye back to Marco and glared furiously. Marco vanished in a cloud of steam. Jason sighed. It was going to be hard to write a fanfic without Jake & Marco.

"Hey, author?" Rachel asked.

"What is it?" Jason replied.

"This may be a fanfic, but before we start, I'd like to warn you that you'd better not try anything stupid. I am sick and tired of doing all this stupid and horrible and disgusting things in the fics!"

"Like what?"

"Like, um… making me commit suicide! That happens all the time, and I'm sick and tired of it!"

"I need more examples."

"Or, uh… marrying me off with Marco! K.A. clearly stated that I'm… um… attached to Tobias! Not Marco!"

"I need one more example so I can get a good idea of what not to do."

"Don't ever have Jake impregnate me! We're cousins, dang it! Jake has Cassie, I have Tobias, and we don't need anybody messing with the clearly set romances! Jeez!"

"Hey, great ideas," Jason said. "Thanks for the suggestions, Rachel. Now, how can I combine all of those aspects? Ooh! I now! Rachel marries Marco, has an affair with Jake, and then commits suicide! Yeah, I think that's what I'll try..."

Rachel said something very impolite. Then she began to morph grizzly bear. She finished the morph and roared at him.

Jason instantly morphed into a non-existent creature from the mythical continent of the southern regions of the eighth of seven moons of the sixth planet of an imaginary dying star.

"Hey! You can't morph! You can't morph unless you touch the blue box! And that creature doesn't exist!" Rachel cried.

"I can do whatever I want to," Jason told her. "I can morph if I choose, and I can morph into whatever I want instantly, whether or not it exists!"

"That's not fair!" Cassie said, coming onto the scene. "You aren't supposed to do that! K.A. would never do such a thing!"

< Well, > Jason said, suddenly switching to thought-speak, < I'm not K.A. I'm a fanfic writer. I'm the author, and I can do whatever I want to, whenever I want to, for whatever reason I want to! >

< And why is that? > asked Tobias as he flew onto the scene and perched on a tree that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

THAT'S SIMPLE, Jason said, deciding that thought-speech is too boring and that the big, head-filling Ellimist voice was much cooler. I AM THE AUTHOR! BWAHAHAHAHA! I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT, WHENVER I WANT! I AM LORD AND MASTER OF THIS FANFIC! FOR I AM THE INCOMPETENT FANFICTION WRITER!

The Animorphs all burst out laughing.

WAIT, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! Jason said. I MEANT INCONTINENT FANFICTION WRITER!

The Animorphs laughed even harder.

DARN! Jason said. WHAT WAS THAT WORD? I CAN'T WRITE A FANFIC UNLESS I CAN ANNOUNCE THAT I'M A… A… A…

Suddenly, Jason burst into flames and disappeared. Crayak got his eye back. The Ellimist got his cool voice back. Jake & Marco reappeared out of nowhere. And everything in the Animorphs dimension was restored to normal.

< I believe the term that he was referring to is "omnipotent," > Ax said, before anything could tell him to shut up.

Jason suddenly reappeared. "I'm baaaaack!" he announced. "Thanks for the word, Ax. Now let's get this fanfic started."

The Animorphs all fled the story in panic.

"Darn," Jason said. "And I hadn't even started the fanfic yet."

**And thus concludes "The Incompetent Fanfiction Writer", my very first parody. Hey, I thought it was funny. Love it? Hate it? Email me at AirJordanXXIII@hotmail.com, or rate my story below. Go ahead. Give it a ten... you can do it... that's right...**


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